I didn’t really love you that much anyways.

Going to go smoke until I run out or pass out, whichever comes first.

It is okay to be sad sometimes, right? Because being without you makes me sad. It makes my heart physically hurt. Nobody will ever compare, you have some big shoes to fill. I hate you when I love you, and I love you when I hate you. Bottom line, the love never stops, sometimes I wish it would. If we’re being honest, no one else’s smile in this, or any other universe could brighten my day like yours can. There isn’t another soul that makes me as happy as you do. I don’t give a damn if I’m the only person who understands it. I love you, and I miss you. I wish you’d come back home to me </3

But you came around and you knocked me off the ground from the start.

You put your arms around me and I believe that it is easier for you to let me go.
You put your arms around me and I’m home.

How many times will you let me change my mind and turn around? I can’t decide if I’ll let you save my life or if I’ll drown.

I hope that you see right through my walls, I hope that you catch me ‘cause I’m already falling. I’ll never let a love get so close but you put your arms around me and I’m home.

The world is coming down on me and I can’t find a reason to be loved.
I never wanna leave you but I can’t make you bleed if I’m alone

You put your arms around me and I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go…

I hope that you see right through my walls, I hope that you catch me, ‘cause I’m already falling. I’ll never let a love get so close. You put your arms around me and I’m home

I tried my best to never let you in to see the truth and I’ve never opened up.
I’ve never truly loved ‘til you put your arms around me and I believe that it’s easier for you to let me go


You put your arms around me and I’m home

You hate beans, all kinds. You don’t like eggs by themselves, but you’ll eat them if they’re smothered in cheese and some form of meat. You don’t like when people talk over you. You’re not a fan of Twilight, but you’ll watch it with me if I ask nicely. You have a habit of dating blondes, but you wouldn’t exactly consider them you’re type.. they’re just always what you end up with. You have a thing for redheads, and Hayley Williams. You love music, and are open to listening to anything at least once. You are a very talented musician, and you love to draw. You want a chest piece, and would eventually like to re-stretch your ears. You only like grilled onions. You like your grilled cheeses with mayo and butter— do not burn the bread. You like grilled ham&cheese sandwiches. You like chicken fried steak, patty melts and carne asada burritos - no beans. You love Mountain dew, and pizza. The Devil Wears Prada is you’re favorite band. You don’t like Circa Survive’s new album. You want to get out of this state someday, and I don’t doubt that you will. You love your mom, but have some issues with your dad. Your sister will always be there for you. You don’t like root beer, unless it’s the “good kind” out of the bottle— and even then, only sometimes. You would prefer to smoke reds. You look like your momma. You never do the same thing with the same people for very long, because you burn yourself out- and when you really like something, you won’t do it often because you’re afraid you’ll stop liking it (TDWP does not apply here. They will never get old to you). You like STARWARS and Lord of the Rings. 

Don’t say I never paid any attention to you, or your life. I remember everything you’ve ever said.

I love you.

All I ever do is try. I try to be a good friend, a good daughter. I tried to be a god girlfriend. I try to be a good me. But if I’ve realized anything lately, it is that none of this matters. No matter how hard I try, it’ll never be good enough. I will still get slammed, dissed and ditched. I will always come second, third or even forth best to someone “better” “smatter” “more likeable” someone anyone else but me. It’s like a vicious circle that never ends; why try anything when the person you are trying for, will always pick someone who is not you. Either there is something wrong with me, or something wrong with every single person I have ever come into contact with. This has happened multiple times, and what are the odds? What are the odds that it’s everyone else and it’s not me? I don’t believe it, and I don’t want to fucking try anymore. I am exhausted and beaten. To everyone who ever wronged me, YOU WIN.

Maybe next time I won’t try at all

Maybe next time everything would turn out how it should have.

Maybe next time I won’t try and convince myself it won’t last long.

Maybe next time I won’t fall in love.

Maybe next time I won’t care.

Maybe next time I won’t let my guard down.

Maybe next time I’ll turn my brain off when things get difficult.

Maybe next time I’ll leave well enough alone.

Maybe next time there won’t be a next time.

You say the sweetest things and I can’t keep my heart from singing 
along to the sound of your song. My stupid feet keep moving to this 4/4 beat, I’m in time with you. Whoa, to this 4/4 beat I would die for you.

Someone stop this. I’ve gone to far to come back from here, 
but you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what you do to me

Someone stop this song, so I won’t sing..

I never let love in so I could keep my heart from hurting. The longer that I live with this idea, the more I sink into this 4/4 beat.
I’m in time with you. Whoa, to this 4/4 beat I would die for you.

I’ve gone to far to come back from here, but you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what you do to me. I’ve come to far to get over you, and you don’t have a clue. You don’t know what you do to me


Your lovesick melody is gonna get the best of me tonight but you won’t get to me if I don’t sing.

It creeps in like a spider, can’t be killed, although I try and try to. Well, don’t you see I’m falling? Don’t wanna love you, but I do

It is so crazy how different my life is now. How little people I have around me who I trust. I’m not too sure if it was me being naive in the past, or if I now I come up with crazy ideas as to why these people shouldn’t be in my life.

While it was happening, I thought my senior year of high school was hell. But looking back it was probably one of the best years of my short nineteen years of life. Not because it was my last year of school, not because of the dances, the freedom or being on the top of the totem pole. It was simply because I was surrounded by people I loved. People I would do anything for. This feeling of ecstasy carried on into the summer before college and even into my first semester. I had the best six best friend I could ever ask for. My girls, each of them bringing something so amazing to the friendship. Kelsie with her momma bear instincts, my shoulder to cry on. Kathy and her amazing sense of humor that could break the ice in any awkward situation. And Tiffany whose quirkiness made everyone laugh so hard we’d cry or pee our pants. And my boys, I loved each and every one of them in so many different ways. Being with Xander, Nic and Matt made everything ten times more fun. But it also brought ten times more drama into play. I loved our long weekends. And church adventures on Wednesday’s and Sunday’s. I loved every moment I ever spent with all of my friends that summer. But as summer died down, everyone got busy but Xander and I, and we grew closer together. Feelings developed and I truly realized how I felt, regardless of how terrified I was to be in a relationship with someone I actually cared heaps about.

I had a strong relationship with God. I had a group of friends who loved me, I would do anything for them. I loved school, I loved waking up in the morning, excited of what the day would bring me. I was confident and thin. I loved myself. 

How can you just wake up one day and everything is so fucking different? I doubt that there is a Lord in Heaven. I have less friends than I can count on my fingers. I am not a part of anything anymore. The person I love, loved the person I was and the pain of losing her, changed him into someone he thought he’d never be. We are each others kryptonite. Can’t stand who we’ve become.. but can’t stay away.

Don’t worry, I’m working on getting her back.

Tell me again how this okay. How is it second nature to be so cruel to someone you “love”. I am surrounded by a sea of people who are like this. I am not sure if I have even one being in my life who is actually looking out for me, and my best interest. Some of you may say, “Well, you’re an adult, you don’t need to be taken care of anymore”. That is bullshit.

What wild excuse in this fucked up world is there justification for using someone you love? I am beginning to understand that this is a very large waste of my time. You don’t treat people you love like that. The only explanation for the behavior is that you don’t actually love me. Which sucks, yeah it’s heartbreaking but at least I can walk away without feeling like I’ve betrayed you. 

If we are being honest, I’m pretty sure I didn’t get the consistent nurturing that I needed when I was a child, from my parents at least. Everyone just passed me on to my grandma because they were young and still had their own lives to live. I am my grandma’s daughter. And for my “parents” who created this strict hold over my head because without them I wouldn’t be alive, go ahead, take it back. Giveth and taketh away, right? I am sick and tired of being a pawn in everyone else’s life. Let me live mine. I swear, come 2013, I am long gone. I don’t even care who I leave behind. I am leaving and I am never coming back. You can count on that. 

Encouraging a departure in the way that you relate to those closest to you. You may have the sudden realization that you have been following the same routine day in and day out, and allowing the same situations to affect you for better or worse. Now it is time to change, and move to a whole new level.